Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
