hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you never un-have a 4some
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
