Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
