I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
