I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
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SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
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I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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