um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
