i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
