You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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