I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
