really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
