@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
