You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
