i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
