The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
