My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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