We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
