12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
