My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
