i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
