Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
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He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
And then he peed in my hair
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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