the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
