you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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