And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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