found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sext me about skeletons
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
