I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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