She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
