if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
