It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
