We're facebook friends in real life
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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