found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
