a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
