Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's never too late to be topless.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
