went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
