I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
