What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
