How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
