think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
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Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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