I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
