just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
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Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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