Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
false alarm. still invincible.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
