did you get engaged???
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
