I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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