How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
