What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
