I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
