I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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