so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
