I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
