I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
