Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
