their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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