WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
