the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
