So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
