i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
