you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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