I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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