omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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