Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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