What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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