I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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