at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
