So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Randomize
