i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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