Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
