I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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