I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
