shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
