no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
time to smoke my breakfast
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
