I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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