Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
