Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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