You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
