His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
