the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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