lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize