Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She even gives head with a lisp.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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