if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
